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Archive for July, 2005

Nick Burns, IKEA (sucks), and Shredding Documents Like Oliver North

July 17th, 2005
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What a long and productive weekend. Where to begin…

My internet has been flaky this past week and the channels 2-6 on cable are full of static and snow. I can deal with the channels for the meantime (its still a couple months away from the new fall season), but you cannot mess with my internet. I called Comcast a couple of times complaining, but resolved to try and check the coax to see if I can fix it. On Saturday morning I got pretty frustrated and called Comcast again to complain. As luck would have it, they were able to send a repair person over later that morning. I thought that was pretty promising so I waited for him to arrive.

Enter Nick Burns, the Comcast (Company) Computer guy (this guy was so like the SNL guy). This guy comes in, sits down at my computer, and proceeds to click around ignoring most of what I am telling him. I’m trying to explain the internet issues and that my speed tests are showing craptacular connections periodically, but he only cares about checking his internal Comcast speed test which said I was getting 7mb downloads (thats a lot). In reality I’ve been fluctuating between 2mb and 300kb (yes, 300kb). Since the fluctuation was having an upswing, he decided the problem was on my computer and proceeded to condescendingly tell me how the product works (speeds not always guaranteed, etc).

At this point there was A LOT of tension between him and I, especially when he told me “No offense, but a lot of customers tend to be too anal about their connections when they don’t quite understand the product”.

&%^$$%#$@!!!!

Anyone who knows me knows my internet background and knows that I am much more knowledgeable than Joe Customer. I decided to go old school on him and talk geek (eerererrr, modem init string, eeererere). Well, I didn’t go quite that old school, but I did slap him around a bit. After he was still refusing to believe me on the internet, I then showed him my snowy cable channels. After poking around, checking the cables, and doing a throughput test, he decides that the picture problem is with my TV.

&%^$$%#$@!!!!

Before he can say anything else, I grab my spare 13inch TV (we all have them lying around, right?), and proceed to show him its not my TV. He then starts getting into a snit and has to track the problem to the outlet. He then determined that it might be at the building lock box and goes outside to check. At one point, he ended up getting into the building crawl space and having to crawl his way to the cable wire box down there. Once there, he found some nasty looking cabling and ended up replacing a chunk that had been fitted together and then taped with electrical tape. Needless to say, he had to replace all that which fixed the problem (btw, I had to come tell him that his fiddling was fixing the picture reception, which caused him to find the bad cable).

He finally finished and came back up. Lo and behold, my internet was much, much faster and all my TV channels were clear. Take that and in your face Nick Burns. Who’s your daddy now beyotch?!? To his credit, he was pretty humbled after coming back up and was talking to me as an equal and not condescendingly like he did when he first got there. Either way, its all fixed and I am happy.

Whew.

Later that day I visited IKEA for the first time ever. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I wanted to try and find an inexpensive dresser. I went up there and the place was a total madhouse. Although they did have some nice things, there was a whole lot of crap there. People were everywhere, grabbing this, staking out their claims to that, rushing in and out of aisles. All these little areas made up to look like rooms that you can reproduce at home if you are just willing to buy all their crap. It was surreal and a little scary. I’m sure that in reality IKEA is a nice store, but I was so turned off by it that I ended up leaving without buying anything. I did find a dresser that probably would have been fine, but I was too disgusted to give in and buy anything from there. Some people complain about stores like Wal-Mart being a scourge. Well, you can add IKEA to that list too. Its time is coming. If I never go back there it will be too soon.

Finally on Saturday night, I started the cleaning process by shredding a bunch of my old files (credit card statements, bank statements, etc). I shredded so much stuff that it died on me (I found out later it just overheated and shut itself off even though it looked on). I decided that it was time to get a new one since it was pretty old to begin with. After getting back, my old one magically started working again so I ended up using both shredders to chew through all the papers (there was a ton to go through). Shredding so much paperwork with two shredders made me feel naughtily euphoric. I bet thats how Oliver North felt too.

I ended up going out today (Sunday) and buying an inexpensive dresser from a department store. It really wasn’t hard to put together, but it took over an hour and half to complete. I then went through and washed 8 loads of laundry (I washed a lot of sheets, blankets, etc too). The only casualty was that I washed my green cloth place mats and the color ended up running. I now have greenish kitchen hand towels to match my wrinkled green place mats.

&%^$$%#$@!!!!

Live and learn I guess. At least I didn’t colorize any of my clothes.

Overall, the apartment is much, much cleaner. I did have some help cleaning this weekend and I managed to throw out several boxes and practically almost completely clean up the bedroom. The living room still has a lot of boxes in it, but I am much more encouraged tonight than I have been since I got here. We managed to get a lot done in 30 hours time, including all that laundry.

Whew.

I’m pretty tired tonight although I am still having issues getting myself to sleep. I’m going to head to bed in a few and will hopefully be asleep by 1am. I’m resisting taking more sleeping pills.

Later…

Daniel General

Betty Crocker 1, Daniel 0

July 10th, 2005
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Cursed Betty Crocker and her damnable Beef Stroganoff Hamburger Helper. A pox on her oven! (I’ve been watching A LOT of “Family Guy” recently; its quickly becoming a favorite show).

I tried making the aforementioned dinner in a box and was only able to make something that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike beef stroganoff. All the base ingredients were there (I even ran out to buy Lactaid milk) and I diligently followed the directions up to the second of the 10 minute countdown timer. Alas I was left with something somewhat edible, but not quite the delicious homestyle favorite that I was savoring for. Consequently, there will be no leftovers as I do not plan on saving any. I did manage to eat enough to have it count as dinner, but it was a Pyrrhic Victory and I feel emotionally empty inside.

Ultimately I think I had the temperature too high while it was supposed to be simmering, but I cannot be sure. I still have another box left in the cabinet but I think I will wait a while before attempting something so complex again. For now, I will stick with pork steaks and ramen noodles this week. I totally own that meal.

I also saw “Fantastic Four” today and thoroughly enjoyed it. I used to read that comic a little as a kid and was not disappointed with the result. I’m glad I went as it was nice to just go somewhere and zone out for a couple of hours. I’m not sure what I want to see next. I’m still debating over the “Dukes of Hazzard” remake. It looks good, but I’ve been burned before (@^%#$^$%##@!!! Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy movie). I’ll just have to wait and see on that one.

Finally, last night I went to Steve and Amanda’s Wedding reception/cookout musical barbecue. They deep fried a turkey and had a karaoke singing DJ who actually did a decent job imitating Elvis, the sound of Elvis anyway. After fumbling through a toast (mental note, don’t wait until the last minute to think up a toast) I found once again that karaoke and I have no business together as Steve and I croaked out a few duets. We did manage to do our usual Blues Brothers Soul Man number and got a great reaction from the crowd. Unfortunately, as what usually happens when I do that, I got too worked up, sweated my ass off, and reached more than twice my aerobic peak. Needless to say, I needed a huge breather afterwards. I swear, I’m going to be something like 37, doing that number with Steve, and will have a heart attack. At least I’ll go down dancing.

Anyway, as you noticed I took a little break from my blog. I didn’t intentionally mean to, it just happened. I’m going to try and get back on the wagon and see if I can keep things going.

BTW, the apartment is still not put away yet, but I continue to steadily make progress. Soon, yes soon it will be so.

Later.

Daniel General